A Lack of Fear Holds Me Back

Whether we admit it or not, we all wish we could choose an easy path straight to the ‘good’ parts of life. To the parts we accomplish our goals and are rewarded accordingly, through a feeling of satisfaction, happiness, or relief or gifts we have had our eyes on for ages. As a junior in high school, I feel the longing to be done and for a new chapter 23 out of 24 hours a day. Seeing friends and family graduate and on to exciting new things makes life seems boring and a new adventure miles away. It’s hard to imagine adventure when you don’t have a plan for the road you’ll be taking.

College, choosing a major, and a career path may be in fact the most terrifying things I have ever been asked to sort out. Lists, diagrams, and worksheets can’t sort out this one. They say we all have a power within us, guiding us to the path we’re supposed to take, yet I feel so a push and pull. So many choices, but nothing seems quite perfect. I feel a change is needed. Something to help me see the way.

Chances seem to come along every so often, chances I couldn’t even imagine I would ever be offered yet still, something in my mind is always saying no. I feel it yearns to stay put, to never diverse. Adventure is at the forefront of my mind, new places, people, experiences. I know they’ll change me in some way or another and that doesn’t necessarily frighten me and part of me thinks that is because I know how great my mind is at making excuses to never distort.

I suspect my lack of fear is the exact reason I never push myself to the limits of my full desires. I’m comfortable with myself and what I’m doing. I know I’ll be fine if I stay where I’m at. I’ll probably live a perfectly normal life with a few hindrances along the way, but none I cannot overcome. Still, a small but ferocious voice inside my heart wants more. A life that can never be mistaken for anyone’s but my own. A life I’ll be proud of. A life that will lead me through so many ups and downs, I’ll forget I was even in line for something. A life journey that is so unbelievably filled with passion and prosperity that the ending view seems like nothing in comparison.

I hope I’ll see you in the next lane over, enjoying the ride.

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